Wanting to move on and with the desire for a complete family; you would like to erase some vivid memories of the not so good events in your life. It has been a year but memories of him with her mistress hunts you. Thorn between your pride and giving your children a father and perhaps love. Every bit of details of how he had betrayed you still makes you cry. The idea of him making love to her or the two of them walking together, laughing, sharing good times while I wallow myself in self-pity. Tears now and then as you recall how and why he can betray your trust and your marriage. How do you give up someone whom in your mind is not worth it but still is in your heart? How do you make the heart listen?
It seems it is not a good decision to easily accept him back when there is no promise of it will not happen again or not even I am so sorry for what I have done. It would have been easier if there has been changes and if you had seen how he was sorry for what he had done or if he is treating you right this time.
Like stories which had been written on infidelity he puts the blame on you. It is your fault that he had done it; it will be your fault if he will do it again. It seems not right to suffer the same faith all over again. It seems you have not learned a lesson out of such horrible experience.
Now you are back in the same situation. Not seeing eye to eye. Him not being able to accept who you are and what you enjoy doing. Not feeling good about yourself because of how he treats you. Will you let love slowly die in the process just so you can be yourself and stand for what you believe is right. Slowly you no longer crave for his approval; slowly you create your own world. A world where you are accepted, respected and loved. Will you stay with him....continue loving him despite how every little things you do seems not to his liking?
Your brain knows exactly what is good for you; but you are afraid that your heart cannot handle it. Perhaps it is time that you move on and start loving yourself. Start focusing on the good traits that you have and never listen to him if he tries to put you down. Start believing in yourself; in what you have accomplished and what you can accomplish with or without him.
Life is beautiful if you focus on the people who loves you!
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